As I have been preparing my worship planning for the next few weeks, a question has been milling around my mind.
Why am I here?
No, I am not going to answer this in one post. No, I am not questioning my current position as rector in this place at this time. I am not having a career crisis (no more than usual, anyways). No, I am not feeling my life is pointless.
In the past year I have been drawn to the sense of purpose that Jesus had. I always wondered if he knew his fate, really. I mean, it is easy for writers to look back and write dialogues based on vague writings attributed to Jesus, but really, did he know? It wasn’t a question that shook my faith. There was room in my faith for both possibilities. Either he knew and went for it or he didn’t know and accepted it.
Digression: One of my favourite scenes is from the film, Dogma. Alan Rickman plays the Voice of God (VoG). A character asked him what was the hardest message he ever had to deliver. He told about the day 12 year old Jesus stayed behind in the temple while his parents started home. According to VoG, that was the day he told Jesus what his life meant, and what would befall him. He talked about holding the boy, who cried, but was also so brave.
When I was in a young adult group we studied the work of N Armstrong. He taught that we were constantly under attack by evil forces and the key to victory was fully claiming our identity as children of God. I have shifted theologically since then, but in the first chapter of his book, he asks, “Who are you?” You may respond, “I am a Christian”. No, he would reply, that is your religion. Who are you? “I am an engineer”. No, he would reply, that is your occupation. He would continue on this thread until he reached the point that who you are is who you are in relationship to God.
So, I am beginning this quest by identifying my vocations.
Vocation is calling…
I found this post today, originally written in November. I am leaving it as is because there is more to share, but I can’t go back to where I was when I wrote this in order to complete it. Instead, I am posting it as a start to more posts coming soon. My how things have changed, but the quest is the same as I continue to live these questions. More to come.